Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
