There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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