Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
