Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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