Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
