There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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