i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
