well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
