I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
