Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
