Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
