Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
