I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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