i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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