Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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