At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
