This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
