you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
