69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
