Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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