I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
