i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
