I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love having hate sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
