"it" just moved
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
