What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
