My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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