yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
