Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
