My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
