he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
