I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
