i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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