Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
