yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
