Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize