like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just gift wrapped bread.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
