As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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