You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
