Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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