Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
