Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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