So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
