there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
