I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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