How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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