there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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