we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
