So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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