New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize