i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont even know how to be here
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
