he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
