Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
