"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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