I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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