for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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