After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
