It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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