tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.