New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...