Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I faked an abortion last night.

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  (914): I faked an abortion last night. http://tfl.nu/q8tt
  Replies (20) Good night (721) Bad night (2742)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (4956) Bad night (588)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.

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  (770): It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college. http://tfl.nu/l73u
  Replies (15) Good night (5686) Bad night (684)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well now I have my semen on her headphones

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  (203): Well now I have my semen on her headphones http://tfl.nu/hho2
  Replies (7) Good night (2340) Bad night (1975)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.

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  (727): at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry. http://tfl.nu/0y0u
  Replies (8) Good night (2562) Bad night (814)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.

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  (859): apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us. http://tfl.nu/vs1x
  Replies (18) Good night (3501) Bad night (753)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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  (570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (518)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...

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  (818): I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke... http://tfl.nu/h1hr
  Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (804)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?

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  (801): Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way? http://tfl.nu/h6qu
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (335)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick

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  (515): Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/oet2
  Replies (3) Good night (655) Bad night (312)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?

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  (512): well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...? http://tfl.nu/6jqe
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (509)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (229)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time

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  (306): I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time http://tfl.nu/lht5
  Replies (2) Good night (648) Bad night (209)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds

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  (317): I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds http://tfl.nu/xjyo
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (215)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it

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  (225): Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it http://tfl.nu/edch
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (197)

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