He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.