I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
