And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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