I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.