Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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  (240): EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff. http://tfl.nu/5eqp
  Replies (21) Good night (3381) Bad night (1097)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15691) Bad night (1549)
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  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

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  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (4298) Bad night (1270)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.

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  (732): thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal. http://tfl.nu/c0z7
  Replies (12) Good night (4213) Bad night (1049)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

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  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (12) Good night (2751) Bad night (807)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

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  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (20) Good night (1730) Bad night (534)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...

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  (313): Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door... http://tfl.nu/qt3a
  Replies (19) Good night (800) Bad night (2058)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

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  (719): Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming. http://tfl.nu/flfj
  Replies (5) Good night (1635) Bad night (567)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.

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  (724): Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge. http://tfl.nu/wjo8
  Replies (3) Good night (1566) Bad night (635)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it

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  (502): Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it http://tfl.nu/u9hv
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (562)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'

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  (902): I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me' http://tfl.nu/k715
  Replies (4) Good night (649) Bad night (329)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.

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  (479): I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers. http://tfl.nu/959h
  Replies (7) Good night (539) Bad night (327)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.

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  (270): I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony. http://tfl.nu/dln2
  Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (375)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Maybe for her....

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Her problem, not mine

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  (775): Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA? (1-775): Maybe for her.... (775): Her problem, not mine http://tfl.nu/f1v7
  Replies (1) Good night (863) Bad night (313)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

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  (320): I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset. http://tfl.nu/g6h4
  Replies (1) Good night (888) Bad night (390)

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