I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
