Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
