I am spending my child support on dildos
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize