im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
