Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
