i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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