I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
