problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
