At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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