Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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