I just pynch a tree in the face
i barfeds in our rink
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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