I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
